I have some stuff
Sunday morning A.K.A. New Year’s Day, I awake from a text message from my best friend. It immediately overwhelms me and I give her a call.
It turns out, my old boyfriend from Austin, the one I always considered Theonethatgotaway, is selling stolen bicycles and living out of a Motel 6. This shocked me, as when we were dating, he was going to school, working, and living in a great house in a great neighborhood. He had a functional vehicle and enough disposable income to own and ride several bikes freely and take me out to dinners and brunches after our morning runs in Zilker park.
He hated the fact that I smoked drugs and cigarettes and told me that cocaine ruins people’s lives (this was based on his experience with a previous girlfriend). This was not the kind of guy to get wrapped up in drugs or alcohol and just couldn’t have been a nicer, sweeter man. I mean, my friends liked him, he was that great.
The thing was, he had an absentee father and an irresponsible mother. I have very recently realized that ALL of my romantic relationships have been with men who come from bad family situations. I used to think I was attracted to bad boys who do the drugs and the beer and that I would grow out of it, but this turns out not to be the case. It’s fucked up families that I’m into. They just tend to result in people who do drugs and drink too much. This is confusing because all of my best friends are the products of still-happily-married moms and dads. I myself am the product of one of the most ridiculously cute middle-aged couples in existence.
I was also told recently that one of my best friend’s little brothers had developed a crush on me, and I immediately started fantasizing about how nice it would be to be a part of a family I already loved. Then, I got scared, as this brother would be my first foray into a relationship with a man from a healthy family. I told my friend we had better hold off on that setup until I had given it a try with another guy from a good family who wasn’t so close. In case I’m not ready/capable of romantic relationships with people from stable homes.
The OTHER weird thing about this is I’m not much of a nurturer. I’m not like a lot of women who like to take care of people and help people and heal things and stuff. I think the concept of changing people is exhausting. I like to take care of myself and have high expectations for other’s abilities to take care of themselves. I really wish I could afford to see my therapist right now.
